We just had an election in Australia, how about that?! So who won? No idea. In fact we’ve been told that we won’t know who our government will be until Tuesday. Oh, did I mention that’s assuming we have one? Yes it very well could be that neither the Liberal/National Coalition nor the Australian Labor Party has enough seats in the House of Representatives to win government which could mean another federal election, a variety of minority government situations or in the words of hopeful Malcolm Turnbull “a Liberal majority”. That last one is the least likely at the current rate.
Okay so who won and who lost in terms of appeal? Labor were the big winners; leading up to this election political pundits expected a cruise for the Liberal/National Coalition, losing some of the seats they gained in 2013, but coming out on top fairly easily, but much like 2010 by the end of the night no one was able to call the election. Bill Shorten, who many see as a wet blanket, didn’t just succeed, he outperformed expectations by a huge mark. Even if Labor only obtains 70 seats total, that’s a 15 seats up from the 55 they had over the past three years and projections have it likely to be at least 72 for the ALP. Shorten has not only secured his leadership (under Labor rules if the leader wins less than 10 seats in opposition, they must have a mandatory leadership vote) but he solidifies it, anyone stupid enough to challenge him at this point will not only lose but damage the party, so it looks like Bill stays for now.
The Greens have done well, increasing their primary vote to 10% on the national average, coming very close to winning the seats of Melbourne Ports and Batman. They still hold Melbourne in the House of Representatives and look to be on track to obtain/retain 9 seats in the Senate. While disappointing that the Greens don’t have the extra lower house seats, increasing the primary guarantees more funding for the Greens in the future and also suggests positive results for the WA State Election next year. Of course the big winner in all of this is South Australian Senator Nick Xenophon. Xenophon has had a 20 year political career, starting at the state level in 1997, before being elected to the Senate in 2007. This year Xenophon launched Nick Xenophon Team (NXT) a minor party that focused on Centrist politics, if you read my election predictions I suggested that Xenophon would be a serious contender and guess what? I was right, bitches! NXT looks to have picked up at least 3 seats in the Senate, 1 seat in the House of Representatives and current numbers suggest another Reps seat, meaning Xenophon will potentially hold the balance of power in the Senate and the House of Representatives, given the likelihood of a minority government the South Australian could become the kingmaker of 2016.
Tasmanian Senator Jacqui Lambie retained her seat and could potentially bring in a second member of her Jacqui Lambie Network, while Lambie’s policies toward Muslims are pretty ignorant, they aren’t her key issues. While I find her policies on defence and Islamic Australians pretty terrible, her policies on education funding and Indigenous Australian issues are actually pretty decent, Lambie herself has Indigenous Australian heritage and an upside to her focus on Indigenous issues is that it is likely to stop her from supporting the elephant in the Senate. Oh the elephant? Yeah Pauline fucking Hanson, the woman who once said “We must stop the yellow race” managed to pull a seat in Queensland. Hanson rose to fame in the 1990’s on the back of anti-Asian policies, now she’s back and her policies are the same except she crossed out the word Asian and wrote Muslim instead. Thankfully the Liberals, Nationals, Labor and Greens have all said they will not deal with Hanson in the Senate, which is good news because she’s a piece of shit and so is anyone who voted for her.
Other good news for the Senate; news broadcaster Derryn Hinch was able to win a seat in Victoria under his Justice Party which seeks policies aimed at reducing domestic violence, protecting victims by reforming Australia’s bail laws so that criminals (particularly rapists, paedophiles and domestic abusers) aren’t allowed to roam free while they await their court date. Hinch’s particular focus was on the murder of Jill Meagher whose killer had broken his parole agreement and avoided jail leading to the kidnapping, rape and murder of Jill Meagher. Hinch also focused on murdered teenager Masa Vukotic whose killer was released on bail conditions allowing him to be in a situation where he stabbed Ms Vukotic 49 times, killing her. In addition to bail and parole reforms, Hinch supports marriage equality and perhaps most interestingly advocated feminist views regarding wages and support for increased roles of women in fields typically dominated by men. Oh also Derryn really hates animal cruelty, like ran with Sea Shepherd in the 1980’s old school Animal Justice stuff, dude wants the RSPCA to become more like the US ASPCA where the RSPCA officers would become full fledged police able to arrest and detain those suspected of animal cruelty. Good guy, Derryn.
There’s a few spare senate seats yet to be distributed, with my fingers crossed for another Green in WA and Tasmania. Other than that the general Senate make up is a Labor-Liberal split with no clear majority. So who were the losers? Oh boy! Suck a big fat dick Liberal party. The Libs have suffered big time, without a majority they’re forced to do something they swore they’d never do; negotiate like adults. Shock fucking horror, but after the reign of Australia’s worst Prime Minister (Tony Abbott) the switch to Malcolm Turnbull didn’t do anything to save the Liberals declining vote; the reality is that the Liberals have turned off the electorate, especially given Blub Stooten was able to do so well when he’s the least charismatic Labor leader since Simon Crean. Even with a supposed moderate leading the party, the conservatives have seen a hugely declining vote. With Turnbull likely to be ousted as leader, the chances of Scott Morrison or Julie Bishop taking over loom on the horizon, hopefully though he garners just enough support to make the next election an even bigger failure!
I had someone try and tell me that “Queenslanders voted for Pauline Hanson and you must respect their vote”, to that I say; go fuck yourself. If Pauline Hanson had her way, my refugee father would’ve been forced to live in indefinite detention, I’d have never been born. To Hanson the fact that I attend Orthodox Church during Easter and engage in the sermons in Russian is “an insult to Australia”. To Pauline Hanson, on Monday when I pay my respect to John F. Kennedy, Dwight Eisenhower, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and Franklin D. Roosevelt I’m “insulting Australia”. To Pauline Hanson, when I ate poutine on Friday night and sang the praises of Justin Trudeau I was “insulting Australia”. Pauline Hanson would’ve seen that both my parents be barred from Australia for being “the wrong sort”, Pauline Hanson would’ve seen a huge number of my friends deported from Australia for being “the wrong colour” or “wrong religion”. Pauline Hanson is a piece of human garbage and quite honestly I wouldn’t give the slightest fuck if she were hit by a car, I have no desire to educate a person who in 1998 openly said “The yellow race must be stopped at all costs”, I have no desire to be tolerant of a piece of shit like Hanson and quite frankly I don’t have to, nor will I tolerate anyone who believes that I shouldn’t rate as a human being.
Anyway, good work democracy! Nah, I’m just kidding I can’t wait until the Communist takeover.