“Nice Guys”, Neckbeards and Manbabies are upset!

A bunch of man-babies got really butthurt at a few media outlets suggesting that the next 007 could be played by a woman. Apparently it was a “disgrace to Ian Fleming’s work” and “an insult to all the male actors who played Bond”, keep in mind that list includes Sean Connery, the guy who occasionally partook in that age old past time of beating his wife. I’ll go on the record right now; Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan were the two best James Bond/007’s. I hated Daniel Craig who I always felt was Jason Statham’s Transporter cosplaying as James Bond, in fact back in 2006 when they cast him I was annoyed that Ewan McGregor hadn’t been chosen instead. I never liked Connery either (hairy chest was rank as fuck) or Timothy Dalton because he’s, well, Timothy Dalton (FYI Dalton in Hot Fuzz = amazing).

Anyway the thing I found funniest about the “anti-female 007” was the “James Bond is a man and that’s the continuity”, the appeal to continuity argument is always hilarious especially in a film series that’s seen multiple actors of different backgrounds play the character (Even Australian actor George Lazenby played Bond). More than that though, is that if you’re really trying to make the continuity argument, then the films work against you; M has been played by a number of different actors and actresses. M in particular is useful for this case; Judi Dench played M from 1996 to 2012 and that’s important because she was M to two different versions of 007; Brosnan and Craig. Now if your argument is that James Bond is the same guy in every film and just the actor has changed how do you explain Judi Dench being M in two separate continuities, either the continuous continuity means that anyone can be any agent e.g. 006 in Thunderball wasn’t the same 006 in Goldeneye or continuity doesn’t matter at all, in either case 007 can very easily be a woman.

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Here’s the thing; a female 007 would be a potentially great idea. 007 as a character has gone pretty stale over the years, due in part to the overreliance on Fleming’s old source material. Fleming’s books were pretty solid novels back in the day, but every single one has already been adapted into a film and none of them should be remade. Several of them just straight up can’t be remade any more (Moonraker) because technology has advanced to the point where we now know you can’t have big battles in outer space without venturing into Star Wars/Star Trek territory. I’m not even going to humour the “Women need more representation” argument, this is solely about a film franchise that’s gone stale and needs revitalisation. In the post-Marvel blockbuster world a classic spy-movie can’t compete without evolving and if a female 007 is the first move toward that evolution, then I for one, welcome our new female agent overlords.

I should make a point; I don’t like change for changes sake. I fucking hated the latest Fantastic Four where they made Sue and Johnny Storm adopted siblings who had no biological connection because it made no sense to do it. Comparatively I loved Idris Elba as Heimdall in Thor because Idris Elba is a fucking good actor, even if white supremacists were pissed because “A black guy can’t be a Norse God because people in Nordic countries were white back then” (Apparently missing the irony in claiming that movies about magic flying men and rainbow space bridges are now bound by the historical logic of early Common Era Scandinavia). See you can have actors who don’t fit the typical mould in any situation all you need is a decent story, need an example; the Ghostbusters reboot looks terrible, not because they replaced the original male cast with women but because they seem to have built the whole film around copying everything about the original. Keeping that in mind, yeah a lot of the hate driven at the Ghostbusters reboot is being driven by sexism e.g. people celebrating the number of thumbs down votes the film has gotten, but in fairness it does look pretty fucking terrible.

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Manbabies might cry about it, but if someone pens a decent screenplay with a female 007 then I’m all for it. I had a guy earlier today tell me that “James Bond is a white, Scottish male” and that I should just get over it. Apparently he missed the irony of said “white, Scottish male” being portrayed by an Australian, Welshman, Irishman and two Englishmen with only one Scot having played the role on film. All in all; get over it manbabies, the 007 series has been seriously lacking for years if it wants to compete in the evolving film landscape it needs to adapt and change, you can clutch your Sean Connery blu-rays and scream “Male genocide!” but the reality is you’re a fucking idiot.

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PS: Just to really upset the alt-right “everything I don’t agree with is Social Justice Warrior, cuck, liberal, feminazi, hippy, regressive leftist shit” crowd, I hope they cast Emma Watson.

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